Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
