If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
