totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
