Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
