wanna go halves on a baby?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
