Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
