Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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