Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
