if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
