I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
