still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
