It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
