theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
