I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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