In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
