A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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