Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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