i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
