"it" just moved
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
