i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
