anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
