I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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