Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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