Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
