I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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