my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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