Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
