p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
