Where is the hickey?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
