That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
