His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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