there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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