btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just google imaged poop.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
