Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
