I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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