ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
