I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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