DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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