I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
