You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
