my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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