I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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