Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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