never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
