sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
