So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
