clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
