I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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