Kiss
Puke
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drunk is a universal language darling
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
