Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
