Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
