She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
