I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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